It wasn't long ago that my son pointed out that he thought I was suffering from IMPOSTER SYNDROME. I said what? Never heard of it. So I googled it, of course. Google says that, "Imposter syndrome can be defined as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success. 'Imposters' suffer from chronic self-doubt and a sense of intellectual fraudulence that override any feelings of success or external proof of their competence." So how does one solve feeling like an imposter? According to Google, the 'imposter' should "break the silence, separate feelings from fact, recognize when you should feel fraudulent, accentuate the positive, develop a healthy response to failure and mistake making, right the rules, develop a new script, and visualize success."
Well that may all be well and good, and God bless those who work towards positive change in their lives, but I've come to realize that what I truly suffer from, like many of us I'm sure, is insecurity. You wouldn't likely be able to tell I'm insecure if you met me because most of us are trained to see in stereotypes. Because I can speak to a crowd of thousands with apparent ease, drive in a metropolis without worry, and direct hundreds in a large production of any drama or musical of my choosing, you'd think I'd have the whole security thing down. I don't and I'm sure I'm not alone. Why are we wired to think that those blessed with youthful looks, a fabulously successful career, a loving spouse, great health, etc. are feeling secure? Or that those who drive expensive vehicles, live in large estates, and take exotic vacations are truly confident in their lives?
New York Times Bestseller, Beth Moore, has a lot to say about the subject in "So Long, Insecurity: you've been a bad friend to us." She brought to my attention that everyone has their own view of what would make them feel secure. An overweight person may feel self conscious looking at a thin/athletic person and think that it would be nice to be that person...that would bring security for sure! Or perhaps looking at a friend who has a steady income with an inherited estate one could feel that having his/her "security" would solve everything. Moore points out that these are likely FALSE POSITIVES: "one thing that would make us secure in all things."
Moore lists a number of false positives that people (in this case women) assume: 1. A great man would make me secure 2. Financial success would make me secure 3. Popularity would make me secure 4. Recapturing youthfulness would make me secure 5. Beauty would make me secure 6. Power would make me secure 7. Prestige would make me secure 8. Credentials would make me secure 9. Job certainty would make me secure....So what is it that occupies so much of our time? Looking for the perfect mate? Trying to hang on to the perfect mate? Trying to have as many friends as we can...on social media or otherwise? How many "likes" can we get today? Which App can we use to make our photos enhance our looks so that we can make people believe that we are younger/cuter/more alluring? If we just had the right beauty products we could reverse aging and perhaps heads would turn when we walk into a room...which is surely the sign that we are valued? If we just had that person's metabolism...or that person's genes...perhaps if we made our workers jump through hoops for us or prominently display all of our certificates and degrees, surely we would garner the respect, power, and prestige that we deserve? If we just published that book, got that nose job or those breast implants...
Moore goes on to say that on the days that "we are too down on ourselves to lift ourselves up...we usually go looking for someone else to do it." Which is where we start relying on those false positives. How many of us who aren't feeling beautiful put the onus on our significant others to compliment us? "How do I look in this dress?" "Did you notice how I styled/cut my hair?" So when our man is mildly disinterested in us a few times, we think that he is no longer attracted to us or perhaps no longer loves us. Is he seeing someone else?
That is not to belittle our feelings of insecurity. Those feelings are legitimate. And this topic is complicated and hardly able to sum up in a single blog...or even in her book as Moore attests to herself, however she is adamant, and I believe that she is right, that "You and I are going to have to come to a place where we stop handing people the kind of power only God should wield over us. Change will not come easy. Old habits die hard. But we can make the radical decision to rewire our security systems." More on that in part two...